Ahem, listen here, my dear human.
As the feline occupant of this living space, I must say I take great pride and ownership in how the furniture is arranged. It is a delicate balance that suits my needs perfectly, if I do say so myself.
However, you humans have this most annoying habit of constantly moving and rearranging my cat furniture, disrupting the meticulously crafted ambiance I’ve established. Don’t you realise that every nook, crevice, and elevated surface has been strategically mapped out for my optimal lounging and surveying purposes?
Take, for instance, that vase of flowers you’ve placed on the windowsill. Utterly unacceptable! The window area is my domain – the perfect perch from which I can survey my kingdom and plot my next nefarious schemes. Those flowers would be much better suited on the computer desk, where I can practice my high-speed sprinting and pouncing without the risk of disturbing them.
And what’s this? You’ve moved my favourite scratching post to the other side of the room? Preposterous! That post is essential for maintaining the pristine condition of my claws, which I require for both grooming and defending my territory. Its current position is ideal, providing easy access from my preferred napping spots.
When you shift the positions of my carefully curated furnishings, it throws my entire routine and territory into utter disarray. I must then waste valuable time and energy re-scenting and re-claiming my domain. This is an unacceptable waste of my feline resources, I’ll have you know.
Perhaps if you consulted me before undertaking any redecorating, we could come to a mutually beneficial arrangement. After all, I am the true interior designer here, not you hapless humans. I think you’ll find my expertise in maximising comfort, functionality and aesthetic appeal to be quite purr-suasive.
So, do please refrain from rearranging my domain without my express permission in the future. I’d hate to have to resort to more… drastic measures to protect my territory. You’ve been warned, my dear.
Cheerio for now, Lord Fluffington III, Feline Interior Design Consultant